Life goes on and on............

"Karthik, dinner's ready." My mom called out while I was listening to MySacrifice by Creed on Radio City. She came near and in a low voice said, "Itold your dad about it." I felt like a 10,000 volt stupor hit me! "What?" Iwas flabbergasted, "Ma, I wanted to tell him myself. I had it all plannedout. You've just.god! You women kind can never keep secrets, can you? Ok,what did he say?" I asked anxiously. "He said nothing. Probably he wouldn'teven talk to you about it until you start." I knew it was going to be a badnight. Heated arguments, sentimental issues, guilt pricking and unwantedtensions; we had had none of these in our house. But I saw it all comingdown in one night.At the dinner table:It took me sometime to come out of my bedroom, for the dinner table seemedlike a battle ground to me! My hunger died with the very thought of talkingto my dad. But I knew I couldn't escape it and I had to face this some dayor the other. My dad sat next to me. I gulped the air that was stuck in mythroat and with head bent down I had my eyes fixed on my plate. Even afterfive minutes, daddy spoke nothing! So I gathered up all my courage to breakthe ice, "Appa, I wanted to tell it myself. I was actually..." "What's hername?" he cut me without looking at my face. "Simi" I answered, "Simi JacobThomas." There was a smile on his face. "Bring her home tomorrow evening",he said. It made me smile too, for I felt glad to hear something like thatwhile I expected a huge argument to spurt out. None of us spoke anythingelse that night. It turned out to be a total anti-climax of what I hadimagined! I got back to my room after dinner, but couldn't sleep for mostpart of the night since I was dreaming with open eyes about the day that wasto come the next morning!The day did come:The day did come; probably one of the most important days of my life. I toldSimi that my dad wanted to meet her and also that he wasn't fussed up oranything like that and instead smiled about it. Simi didn't know what totell, she too was very happy I thought. A year and a half of our secretrelationship, a secret known to the world but hidden to our parents, wasabout to pay off. So, on that day, we just didn't care about whether we hadcompleted our work or not. We left office at 4.30 in the evening, just tomake sure that we don't get stuck in that dreaded Hosur road traffic. Simileft her car parked in the office itself and we both went in my car. Thatwasn't the first time I had driven with Simi in my Honda City, but somehow,all along the way home, my dreaming about the car being decorated withflowers and a big "Just Married" sign on a heart shaped board, made thatride very special to me!We reached home by quarter past five. Summer time; my dad was sitting on theswing in the lawn, reading a newspaper. He got up as he saw us coming."Namaste Uncle", Simi said folding her hands. My dad smiled back. "Hello,nice to meet you", he greeted her, "come, let's go inside", he took us in.My mom was watching tv in the hall and as we entered she got up from thesofa and switched off the tv. "Get something", my dad said to my mom andwithin minutes a lot of things were ready on the tea table. "Please have it"my dad said and we both started munching. "Aunty, I really like this. Kaduburight? Karthik gives me every time you send it in his lunch box. In fact,I've eaten almost every dish that you cook. You really cook very nicelyaunty." Simi said looking at my mom. My mom just smiled back as a thank youto Simi's compliments.Setting the stage!"Sorry child, I forgot your name." My dad said. Simi was busy eating, butshe'd heard it. "Uh? Uncle? Simi. My name is Simi", she replied. "Aaah! SimiJacob Thomas, right?" My dad asked. "Yes", Simi replied and looked at myface with her eyebrows slightly raised. I did nothing else but show myteeth. There was a wide smile on my dad's face too. "What?" I asked him."Karthik Subramanya Shastry weds Simi Jacob Thomas, somehow sounds veryfunny to me", he said. The smile on my face slowly reduced in width andfinally when I saw the expression on Simi's face change as she took a biteof the kadubu, my smile completely died out. My dad was quick to react. Helooked at Simi and said, "Oh please don't feel offended. I don't mean tohurt you. But child, I'm going to ask you a few questions and also tell yousome things over which you'll need to think calmly." Uh oh! Something'scoming! I told myself. Simi seemed to have heard what I'd just said insilence. She kept the half bitten kadubu back on the plate.The talk!"Simi. Since how long do you know Karthik?" My dad started shooting."About a year and a half" Simi replied."Do you think that's enough to know him?""I guess so. Yes. That's quite enough." Simi nodded her head up and down."Hmm...Tell me one thing, do your parents know about this?""No uncle. I was about to tell them; after we took your permission.""And how did you assume that I will say 'yes'?" My dad was still smiling.But the expression on our faces had taken a U-turn from extreme bliss tototal awe by now! Although both of us knew that we would have to face ourparents' opposition, the way my dad had reacted since the night before hadsprung up some positive thoughts in both of us. So this was a bit of a shockindeed."Simi, Simi. My dear child. I know most of what I tell you will make youfeel like not listening to me. I just want you both to have the best and Iknow very well that it will not be so if you happen to marry." Our faces nowlooked like the sad emoticon that we use in our Office Communicator. But mydad continued :-("Where do your parents stay?""Kozhikode, Kerala.""What does your father do?""He retired as a Branch Manager in SBI last month. Now he serves as anevangelist at a church nearby"."How many siblings do you have?""We are four. I have a brother and two sisters.""You must be the youngest", my dad was bang on!"Yes", Simi replied, a little surprised. I knew, like me, she too wanted toknow how on earth he got that!"I pity your poor dad. He seems to be a pious man. If I, being the father ofthe boy, feel so sad about this whole thing, I can imagine how much painthat man will go through." My dad let out a long sigh. Somehow the things hespoke started to get on my nerves and I thought I had to do some talking."What's wrong with this dad? I don't understand why you people should beworried. Simi and I like each other, we understand each other very well, weboth have good jobs in hand, what else do we need?""I was waiting for you to open your mouth", my dad said in a sarcastic tone."See. You are talking only about you both; that you like each other, thatyou have good jobs. Then, tell me honestly, when you have decided abouteverything, why do you need my permission, or even her parents' permission?You can as well marry and later just inform us, right? If you feel that youwill anyways go ahead no matter what, then I see no point in discussing thisanymore." My dad stood up."No uncle", Simi interrupted, "I want to listen to you." I looked at Simiwith an evident frown on my face. "Please, let us talk about it. I too wantto know what you feel about this." She requested my dad. But I wasn't keenon listening. I just sat with my face turned away, staring at the door.My dad sat down. "Simi, marriage is not a child's play dear. At least in oursociety, it's not centered just around two people. If you had, for at leastonce, thought practically about your relationship, you wouldn't have carriedit so far. You both are in love and that will make you think you can getalong anything that comes your way. Child, married life in itself hasthousand and one problems. You have to make sure that you don't invite moreproblems just by taking a hasty decision."The first thing is, I'm more than a hundred percent sure that your familywill not whole heartedly accept my son as their son-in-law and after thismarriage, believe me, your relationship with your parents and siblings willnever be the same. Even if they come to accept it at a later point of time,they will just be pretending. Some relationships if broken, take a long timeto patch up and if they had been very close, it takes a lifetime. Coming outof home and living a life of your own sounds very good like in movies andstories, but the truth is, you cannot stay away from your parents forever;at least not until they are alive."Simi was listening without blinking her eyes. "After that, come yourindividual dogmas. You know, his mother celebrates at home, almost everyfestival that's listed on the almanac. She will feel uncomfortable to letyou around and get you involved. Even if she and you get along aftersometime, I will guarantee, it will be limited to our house alone. You willnever be invited to any function that will happen in our relatives' homes.At first, you might feel ok about it. But when Karthik will feel the pinchin his heart to know the fact that his wife is not welcomed in hisrelatives' places and because of that he too cannot attend those so very funfilled family gatherings that he was always a part of, he too will start torepent."Then there are your food habits. You are a meat eater and my son is a purevegetarian, well at least I think so. But I don't know if he has startedthat too."Simi was already feeling guilty I guess. "No, he doesn't eat. But I havestopped", she said."See. You have lost a part of yourself. You know, for your love to carry onwith the same fervor forever, you should accept the person you love as he orshe is, without being directly or indirectly forced to change for the sakeof love. In my opinion, that's true love and everything else is just acompromise. You have given up eating meat, good; but every time you comeacross that, you'll always be tempted. It's perfectly ok and it's becauseyou have been brought up in such a culture where it is almost compulsory toeat meat, whereas my son has grown up amongst people who dislike even thesight and smell of it."And then, you both are connected by English, a language that's not themother tongue of either of you. I am not telling it's a bad language, butyou know, it is always the mother tongue that gives you the personal touch,the closer-to-heart feeling while you talk to your, be it husband or anyother person. Don't tell me that love knows no language; it is all theoryand is only good for the books. The day you see a couple in love talking inyour language and having those sweet little verbal fights or name-calling,in words that you can best express only in a language that is closer to yourheart, you will know what you are missing.Simi was static. "Next thing is about your kids. My mother used to tell me aproverb in Kannada - Appa amma eradu daari aadare, makkaLu naaku daarianthe, meaning If the father and mother go in two directions, their childrenwill go in four. I don't know if I've put it correctly in English but I hopeyou've understood it. Forget your kids, you yourself will not be able totell them whether they have to go to the church or the temple, to be avegetarian or a non-vegetarian, to speak Malayalam or Kannada and many suchthings. Finally they end up growing in a big confusion about their language,their God, their culture and everything about themselves. They might evensomeday curse you for landing them in such a situation. You might say thatthey will choose the best of both cultures. But that can happen only afterthey have matured enough to take decisions on their own. But again, I betthey will not be able to do that too since they wouldn't have gained acomplete understanding of either of those."Deep down inside, you feel that you are doing something wrong and that'swhat has kept you from telling your parents or else you would have told iton day one that you like this guy and might as well marry him. But you feelyour parents might be hurt if you do that because you know very well thatthey can never see him as the right guy for you and from my point of viewtoo, he's not. Trust me, even your parents wouldn't deny if you can prove itto them that he is the right person, but in this case, you'll not be able todo that! I just guessed that you must be the youngest because if you hadsomebody younger to you, a sense of guilt which makes you feel that youmight just be setting a bad example to the younger ones, would have stoppedyou from thinking about Karthik as your life partner. But again good and baddepends entirely on your perspective and for youngsters like you, it ismostly influenced by your friends outside rather than the people at home.Looks like he's not gonna stop until she walks out, I thought, still lookingaway. I did not interrupt only because Simi had stopped me from it. Youasked for it Simi. Now you have it. I wasn't anymore interested indisturbing her."I too feel that I've slipped somewhere. If only I had talked about all suchthings to my son a long time back, he would have been more careful inchoosing his life partner. But I never realized that he had grown up so muchand today I feel I'm paying for my mistake. You know, you should make yourchildren do what you feel is right until they turn 16. Then on, till 30, youshould just tell them what they should do and let them do what they feel isright and after 30 there's no use of telling too. So now, I'll only have togive my suggestion and heeding to it or discarding it, is left to you both."I know that a lot of people of your age fear arranged marriages these daysand that fear is because you feel you don't know that person properly. Butthen, why do you think we have the concept of engagement. Get engaged beforeat least six months of marriage and you can get to know each other fairlyduring that period. If you don't think it will work out, you have lostnothing, right? Now if it doesn't work out once, it's never that you willnot find someone better. You'll always do and sometimes you will realize itafter you get married to someone who you then thought was the best! In caseyou love somebody with whom everybody around you and especially your parentswill be comfortable with, engagement is just a formality."Anyways, I can already see from his face that he is not very happy tolisten to me. So let's finish it off. But a sincere request from my side -before you listen to what your heart says, just give a chance to your brainto think about it." My dad finally finished his lecture!Nobody spoke for a moment. Finally Simi broke her silence, "Uncle, now Irealize why it is important to discuss with elders. No doubt, I had neverthought about many things that you told now. Please give me some time. Iwill definitely think about it. Thank you very much for letting me know yourpoint of view", she said and stood up. Oh Mistress of assertiveness skills,you forgot to paraphrase - I wanted to tell loudly but somehow controlledmyself."Sure dear. I know it's not easy. Take your time. And thanks. I'm happy thatat least you said you will think about it. God bless you", my dad blessedher as Simi touched his feet before leaving."Karthik", he looked at me and said, "go drop her till home and come back."Sigh! Don't worry. I'll not run away with her.And then, it was evident..Simi did not speak to me for some days in the office. I had sort ofunderstood what she wanted to convey. My dad had brainwashed her. If only Ihad never let her talk to my dad I thought. But Simi was anytime more maturethan me. She had taken time not only to think about it but also to speakwith her parents; and the story on the other side was no different. Luckily,I did not get an invitation from her father to talk to him! Finally Simitold me, what is usually told by girls, that we would be better off asfriends rather than being a husband and wife. But it was really difficultfor me to look at her as "just a friend". Fortunately I got an onsiteassignment at that time which kept me away from her for almost 10 months. Isomehow managed to get over the gloom during that period. It was only afterthat I realized my dad too was right in a way. True. At least sometimes inlife, you got to listen to your elders.Today, Simi and I are married; to different people of course, and the bestpart is that we both have found very good friends as our life partners.Instead of whining over what could not happen, we have just moved on with somany other beautiful things that actually happened and of course, we aremore than satisfied with whatever we have in our lives. It's like they say,"if it had been any better, it would be a sin" ;-)That's it!