Life goes on and on............

"Karthik, dinner's ready." My mom called out while I was listening to MySacrifice by Creed on Radio City. She came near and in a low voice said, "Itold your dad about it." I felt like a 10,000 volt stupor hit me! "What?" Iwas flabbergasted, "Ma, I wanted to tell him myself. I had it all plannedout. You've just.god! You women kind can never keep secrets, can you? Ok,what did he say?" I asked anxiously. "He said nothing. Probably he wouldn'teven talk to you about it until you start." I knew it was going to be a badnight. Heated arguments, sentimental issues, guilt pricking and unwantedtensions; we had had none of these in our house. But I saw it all comingdown in one night.At the dinner table:It took me sometime to come out of my bedroom, for the dinner table seemedlike a battle ground to me! My hunger died with the very thought of talkingto my dad. But I knew I couldn't escape it and I had to face this some dayor the other. My dad sat next to me. I gulped the air that was stuck in mythroat and with head bent down I had my eyes fixed on my plate. Even afterfive minutes, daddy spoke nothing! So I gathered up all my courage to breakthe ice, "Appa, I wanted to tell it myself. I was actually..." "What's hername?" he cut me without looking at my face. "Simi" I answered, "Simi JacobThomas." There was a smile on his face. "Bring her home tomorrow evening",he said. It made me smile too, for I felt glad to hear something like thatwhile I expected a huge argument to spurt out. None of us spoke anythingelse that night. It turned out to be a total anti-climax of what I hadimagined! I got back to my room after dinner, but couldn't sleep for mostpart of the night since I was dreaming with open eyes about the day that wasto come the next morning!The day did come:The day did come; probably one of the most important days of my life. I toldSimi that my dad wanted to meet her and also that he wasn't fussed up oranything like that and instead smiled about it. Simi didn't know what totell, she too was very happy I thought. A year and a half of our secretrelationship, a secret known to the world but hidden to our parents, wasabout to pay off. So, on that day, we just didn't care about whether we hadcompleted our work or not. We left office at 4.30 in the evening, just tomake sure that we don't get stuck in that dreaded Hosur road traffic. Simileft her car parked in the office itself and we both went in my car. Thatwasn't the first time I had driven with Simi in my Honda City, but somehow,all along the way home, my dreaming about the car being decorated withflowers and a big "Just Married" sign on a heart shaped board, made thatride very special to me!We reached home by quarter past five. Summer time; my dad was sitting on theswing in the lawn, reading a newspaper. He got up as he saw us coming."Namaste Uncle", Simi said folding her hands. My dad smiled back. "Hello,nice to meet you", he greeted her, "come, let's go inside", he took us in.My mom was watching tv in the hall and as we entered she got up from thesofa and switched off the tv. "Get something", my dad said to my mom andwithin minutes a lot of things were ready on the tea table. "Please have it"my dad said and we both started munching. "Aunty, I really like this. Kaduburight? Karthik gives me every time you send it in his lunch box. In fact,I've eaten almost every dish that you cook. You really cook very nicelyaunty." Simi said looking at my mom. My mom just smiled back as a thank youto Simi's compliments.Setting the stage!"Sorry child, I forgot your name." My dad said. Simi was busy eating, butshe'd heard it. "Uh? Uncle? Simi. My name is Simi", she replied. "Aaah! SimiJacob Thomas, right?" My dad asked. "Yes", Simi replied and looked at myface with her eyebrows slightly raised. I did nothing else but show myteeth. There was a wide smile on my dad's face too. "What?" I asked him."Karthik Subramanya Shastry weds Simi Jacob Thomas, somehow sounds veryfunny to me", he said. The smile on my face slowly reduced in width andfinally when I saw the expression on Simi's face change as she took a biteof the kadubu, my smile completely died out. My dad was quick to react. Helooked at Simi and said, "Oh please don't feel offended. I don't mean tohurt you. But child, I'm going to ask you a few questions and also tell yousome things over which you'll need to think calmly." Uh oh! Something'scoming! I told myself. Simi seemed to have heard what I'd just said insilence. She kept the half bitten kadubu back on the plate.The talk!"Simi. Since how long do you know Karthik?" My dad started shooting."About a year and a half" Simi replied."Do you think that's enough to know him?""I guess so. Yes. That's quite enough." Simi nodded her head up and down."Hmm...Tell me one thing, do your parents know about this?""No uncle. I was about to tell them; after we took your permission.""And how did you assume that I will say 'yes'?" My dad was still smiling.But the expression on our faces had taken a U-turn from extreme bliss tototal awe by now! Although both of us knew that we would have to face ourparents' opposition, the way my dad had reacted since the night before hadsprung up some positive thoughts in both of us. So this was a bit of a shockindeed."Simi, Simi. My dear child. I know most of what I tell you will make youfeel like not listening to me. I just want you both to have the best and Iknow very well that it will not be so if you happen to marry." Our faces nowlooked like the sad emoticon that we use in our Office Communicator. But mydad continued :-("Where do your parents stay?""Kozhikode, Kerala.""What does your father do?""He retired as a Branch Manager in SBI last month. Now he serves as anevangelist at a church nearby"."How many siblings do you have?""We are four. I have a brother and two sisters.""You must be the youngest", my dad was bang on!"Yes", Simi replied, a little surprised. I knew, like me, she too wanted toknow how on earth he got that!"I pity your poor dad. He seems to be a pious man. If I, being the father ofthe boy, feel so sad about this whole thing, I can imagine how much painthat man will go through." My dad let out a long sigh. Somehow the things hespoke started to get on my nerves and I thought I had to do some talking."What's wrong with this dad? I don't understand why you people should beworried. Simi and I like each other, we understand each other very well, weboth have good jobs in hand, what else do we need?""I was waiting for you to open your mouth", my dad said in a sarcastic tone."See. You are talking only about you both; that you like each other, thatyou have good jobs. Then, tell me honestly, when you have decided abouteverything, why do you need my permission, or even her parents' permission?You can as well marry and later just inform us, right? If you feel that youwill anyways go ahead no matter what, then I see no point in discussing thisanymore." My dad stood up."No uncle", Simi interrupted, "I want to listen to you." I looked at Simiwith an evident frown on my face. "Please, let us talk about it. I too wantto know what you feel about this." She requested my dad. But I wasn't keenon listening. I just sat with my face turned away, staring at the door.My dad sat down. "Simi, marriage is not a child's play dear. At least in oursociety, it's not centered just around two people. If you had, for at leastonce, thought practically about your relationship, you wouldn't have carriedit so far. You both are in love and that will make you think you can getalong anything that comes your way. Child, married life in itself hasthousand and one problems. You have to make sure that you don't invite moreproblems just by taking a hasty decision."The first thing is, I'm more than a hundred percent sure that your familywill not whole heartedly accept my son as their son-in-law and after thismarriage, believe me, your relationship with your parents and siblings willnever be the same. Even if they come to accept it at a later point of time,they will just be pretending. Some relationships if broken, take a long timeto patch up and if they had been very close, it takes a lifetime. Coming outof home and living a life of your own sounds very good like in movies andstories, but the truth is, you cannot stay away from your parents forever;at least not until they are alive."Simi was listening without blinking her eyes. "After that, come yourindividual dogmas. You know, his mother celebrates at home, almost everyfestival that's listed on the almanac. She will feel uncomfortable to letyou around and get you involved. Even if she and you get along aftersometime, I will guarantee, it will be limited to our house alone. You willnever be invited to any function that will happen in our relatives' homes.At first, you might feel ok about it. But when Karthik will feel the pinchin his heart to know the fact that his wife is not welcomed in hisrelatives' places and because of that he too cannot attend those so very funfilled family gatherings that he was always a part of, he too will start torepent."Then there are your food habits. You are a meat eater and my son is a purevegetarian, well at least I think so. But I don't know if he has startedthat too."Simi was already feeling guilty I guess. "No, he doesn't eat. But I havestopped", she said."See. You have lost a part of yourself. You know, for your love to carry onwith the same fervor forever, you should accept the person you love as he orshe is, without being directly or indirectly forced to change for the sakeof love. In my opinion, that's true love and everything else is just acompromise. You have given up eating meat, good; but every time you comeacross that, you'll always be tempted. It's perfectly ok and it's becauseyou have been brought up in such a culture where it is almost compulsory toeat meat, whereas my son has grown up amongst people who dislike even thesight and smell of it."And then, you both are connected by English, a language that's not themother tongue of either of you. I am not telling it's a bad language, butyou know, it is always the mother tongue that gives you the personal touch,the closer-to-heart feeling while you talk to your, be it husband or anyother person. Don't tell me that love knows no language; it is all theoryand is only good for the books. The day you see a couple in love talking inyour language and having those sweet little verbal fights or name-calling,in words that you can best express only in a language that is closer to yourheart, you will know what you are missing.Simi was static. "Next thing is about your kids. My mother used to tell me aproverb in Kannada - Appa amma eradu daari aadare, makkaLu naaku daarianthe, meaning If the father and mother go in two directions, their childrenwill go in four. I don't know if I've put it correctly in English but I hopeyou've understood it. Forget your kids, you yourself will not be able totell them whether they have to go to the church or the temple, to be avegetarian or a non-vegetarian, to speak Malayalam or Kannada and many suchthings. Finally they end up growing in a big confusion about their language,their God, their culture and everything about themselves. They might evensomeday curse you for landing them in such a situation. You might say thatthey will choose the best of both cultures. But that can happen only afterthey have matured enough to take decisions on their own. But again, I betthey will not be able to do that too since they wouldn't have gained acomplete understanding of either of those."Deep down inside, you feel that you are doing something wrong and that'swhat has kept you from telling your parents or else you would have told iton day one that you like this guy and might as well marry him. But you feelyour parents might be hurt if you do that because you know very well thatthey can never see him as the right guy for you and from my point of viewtoo, he's not. Trust me, even your parents wouldn't deny if you can prove itto them that he is the right person, but in this case, you'll not be able todo that! I just guessed that you must be the youngest because if you hadsomebody younger to you, a sense of guilt which makes you feel that youmight just be setting a bad example to the younger ones, would have stoppedyou from thinking about Karthik as your life partner. But again good and baddepends entirely on your perspective and for youngsters like you, it ismostly influenced by your friends outside rather than the people at home.Looks like he's not gonna stop until she walks out, I thought, still lookingaway. I did not interrupt only because Simi had stopped me from it. Youasked for it Simi. Now you have it. I wasn't anymore interested indisturbing her."I too feel that I've slipped somewhere. If only I had talked about all suchthings to my son a long time back, he would have been more careful inchoosing his life partner. But I never realized that he had grown up so muchand today I feel I'm paying for my mistake. You know, you should make yourchildren do what you feel is right until they turn 16. Then on, till 30, youshould just tell them what they should do and let them do what they feel isright and after 30 there's no use of telling too. So now, I'll only have togive my suggestion and heeding to it or discarding it, is left to you both."I know that a lot of people of your age fear arranged marriages these daysand that fear is because you feel you don't know that person properly. Butthen, why do you think we have the concept of engagement. Get engaged beforeat least six months of marriage and you can get to know each other fairlyduring that period. If you don't think it will work out, you have lostnothing, right? Now if it doesn't work out once, it's never that you willnot find someone better. You'll always do and sometimes you will realize itafter you get married to someone who you then thought was the best! In caseyou love somebody with whom everybody around you and especially your parentswill be comfortable with, engagement is just a formality."Anyways, I can already see from his face that he is not very happy tolisten to me. So let's finish it off. But a sincere request from my side -before you listen to what your heart says, just give a chance to your brainto think about it." My dad finally finished his lecture!Nobody spoke for a moment. Finally Simi broke her silence, "Uncle, now Irealize why it is important to discuss with elders. No doubt, I had neverthought about many things that you told now. Please give me some time. Iwill definitely think about it. Thank you very much for letting me know yourpoint of view", she said and stood up. Oh Mistress of assertiveness skills,you forgot to paraphrase - I wanted to tell loudly but somehow controlledmyself."Sure dear. I know it's not easy. Take your time. And thanks. I'm happy thatat least you said you will think about it. God bless you", my dad blessedher as Simi touched his feet before leaving."Karthik", he looked at me and said, "go drop her till home and come back."Sigh! Don't worry. I'll not run away with her.And then, it was evident..Simi did not speak to me for some days in the office. I had sort ofunderstood what she wanted to convey. My dad had brainwashed her. If only Ihad never let her talk to my dad I thought. But Simi was anytime more maturethan me. She had taken time not only to think about it but also to speakwith her parents; and the story on the other side was no different. Luckily,I did not get an invitation from her father to talk to him! Finally Simitold me, what is usually told by girls, that we would be better off asfriends rather than being a husband and wife. But it was really difficultfor me to look at her as "just a friend". Fortunately I got an onsiteassignment at that time which kept me away from her for almost 10 months. Isomehow managed to get over the gloom during that period. It was only afterthat I realized my dad too was right in a way. True. At least sometimes inlife, you got to listen to your elders.Today, Simi and I are married; to different people of course, and the bestpart is that we both have found very good friends as our life partners.Instead of whining over what could not happen, we have just moved on with somany other beautiful things that actually happened and of course, we aremore than satisfied with whatever we have in our lives. It's like they say,"if it had been any better, it would be a sin" ;-)That's it!

"This too will pass....!!!"

This one from my collection......Here is a story, thought provoking one, which must be remembered by
ALL OF US at all the times.

Once a king called upon all of his wise men and asked them,

" Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in
every circumstances, in every place and in every time. Something which
can help me when none of you is available to advise me. Tell me is
there any mantra?"

All wise men got puzzled by King's question. One answer for all
question? Something that works everywhere, in every situation? In
every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? They thought
and thought. After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested
something which appeal to all of them. They went to king and gave him
something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to
see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds
himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he'll have to
see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.

After a few days, the neighbors attack the Kingdom. It was a
collective surprise attack of King's enemies. King and his army fought
bravely but lost the battle. King had to fled on his horse. The
enemies were following him. His horse took him far away in Jungle. He
could hear many troops of horses were following him and the noise was
coming closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing in
the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath
there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he
would be finished...and he could not return because it was a small
road...From back the sound of enemy's horses was approaching fast. King
became restless. There seemed to be no way.

Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and
he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond
and read the message. The message was very small but very great.

The message was - " This too will pass."

The King read it . Again read it. Suddenly something strike in his
mind- Yes ! it too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my
kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom
and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from
enemies. However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of
danger too will pass. A calm come on his face. He kept standing there.
The place where he was standing was full of natural beauty. He had
never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his
Kingdom. The revelation of message had a great effect on him. He
relaxed and forget about those following him. After a few minute he
realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was
receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were
not on that path.

The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He
defeated the enemy and regain his lost empire. When he returned to his
empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door.
The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a
festive mood. Flowers were being thrown on King from every house, from
every corner. People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said
to himself," I am one of the bravest and greatest King. It is not easy
to defeat me.: With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego
emerging in him.

Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded
him of the message. He open it and read it again: "This too will pass"

He became silent. His face went through a total change -from the
egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.

If this too is going to pass, it is not yours.
The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours.
You are just a watcher. Everything passes by

We are witness of all this. We are the perceiver. Life come and go.
Happiness come and go. Sorrow come and go.

Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your
own life. This too will pass. Think of the moments of joy and victory
in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they
permanent ? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away.
There is nothing permanent in this world. Everything changes except
the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have
seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks , all defeats and
all sorrows. All have passed away. The problems in the present, they
too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow
are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away.

You are just a witness of change. Experience it, understand it. and
enjoy the present moment.

Thus spake Swami Vivekananda.....

"Many times I have been in the jaws of death, starving, footsore, and weary; for days and days I had no food, and often could walk no farther; I would sink down under a tree, and life would seem to be ebbing away. I could not speak, I could scarcely think, but at last the mind reverted to the idea: "I have no fear nor death; never was I born, never did I die; I never hunger or thirst. I am It! I am It! The whole of nature cannot crush me; it is my servant. Assert thy strength, thou Lord of lords and God of gods! Regain thy lost empire! Arise and walk and stop not!" And I would rise up, reinvigorated; and here I am today, living! Thus, whenever darkness comes, assert the reality and everything adverse must vanish. For after all, it is but a dream. Mountain-high though the difficulties appear, terrible and gloomy though all things seem, they are but Maya. Fear not, and it is banished. Crush it, and it vanishes. Stamp upon it, and it dies."

Abode of 'Problems & Solutions'

Someone once quipped..."Every problem is born with a solution, if no solution whatsoever is visible, it simply means that its not a problem at all"
How true....ever wondered from where problems come from? No they do not get imported from some distant heaven or hell but are a part of our own junk of creations. You can't totally avoid or ignore them but for sure you can solve them. Most of the times its the apprehension or the magnified image created in our mind which makes us believe abt the existance of a non existant gargantuan monster called 'PROBLEM'.
Always believe in solving the problem from a third person's point of view.Imagine that an aquaintance drops in and mentions that he is struck. He goes on describing his misfortune while you are curiously waiting to know the reason (read problem) for that. Once he comes up with the problem, u'll find a plethora of solutions in guise of thoughts revolving around your mind just like rings around Saturn. You tend to ponder as to why this person is creating a mountain of a mole hill when the solutions are so clear. The reason is again the same...."No problem can ever be solved by being a part of it."
Imagine as if you are travelling in a car and all of a sudden the car breaks down. Say you have to push the car to a nearby mechanic. Now how are you going to do this? Would you push the car being inside it or would you come out and then try the same. Obviously by coming out of it. Now try corelating this from the perception of a problem. Lets say the car is our problem. and the solution is to push it aside. Would a person ever be successful if he tries to push this car by being inside it??? No matter the amount of force he applies the status quo would still be maintained. And if he comes out and tries the same, it wont be suprising that he would be able to move it with much lesser strain.

Moral of the story : No problem can ever be solved by being a part of it.


Think about it....

Understanding 'Wants'

How often do we attempt to understand what we actually want? Remember…as children we used to cry for toys which weren’t in our possession, we used to shed our tears for the unfulfilled promises made to us and also for the dashed hopes. At a later point in life when we look back and recollect those instances we tend to laugh at ourselves for having cried for a so called trifle issue. What we fail to realize is that even at that juncture we are still crying over something which we carve for and it’s almost sure that we would be laughing over it in near future for the amount of seriousness we gave to the issue in its present. Try giving it a thought…..

The Journey begins afresh.....

I was sure I knew myself....infact I thought I was the only person who knew what I am...but then came a mighty wind and blew off the veil of ignorance from my mind...now I am a traveller..trodding a path unique to each individual...a path of self realization... Funny though it seems travelling from a juncture wherin u feel everything is simplified...everything is 'perfect' ..to a place which involves destroying all such myths...moving towards a place highly complex...highly confusing...yet highly satisfying as u feel proud of yourself of having not lied to your own self about what you feel you are...that is what my destination seems to be as of now...I say so coz even I am not sure how far I am going to tread this path...may be few moments hence I will stop and again get back to that unreal, false & illusionary point from where I started...but I hope I do not do so...I hope... My destination is that milestone where even though the entire universe may seem hazy and foggy...yet for me, my mind be clear and soul be pure... the journey hopefully continues till then....

Peace....where do I find it..?

Where can I get peace
is it avalable for lease??
Is it in trying to smile
when you are away from it by a mile??
Is it in giving....
when you feel like retaining
Is it showing that you are wise
when you know that you are otherwise
I always wanted peace
and enjoy its smooth fleece
but more I try to have it defined
more I feel myself refined
Is it really so reclusive
or is it only for few exclusive??
Its claimed by the lovelorn
and also by the heart torn
Peace as an irony
really seems so funny
but the question still remains...
where is it that peace rains???

"...till death do us apart" - Truth or a Myth ????

It was nearly 2 years that she had moved away from him. He just couldn't believe that she could do such a thing. the numerous affirmations she had spoken about their relation still haunted him. "How can a person move away from a commitment made to one's own self?", he frequently asked himself. Thousands of times she had reiterated that she would be with him till her last breath, each time when he had heard her words he used to ponder on whether he was really capable in matching her grit...but then...all of a sudden...and he felt he was much better then her when it comes to standing by one's words. He was on verge of shrugging off his past when one fine day.....

He was chatting with a collegue who was underperforming. He was probing reasons for her non-performance. Slowly she spoke her heart out, about a boy friend she had, about their parents' resistance towards their match and the numerous obstacles she was facing to convince the elders. Hearing her story, his past revisited him again. He posed her a simple question...."would you be with him irrespective of the obstacles you face?". Her affermation was followed by a sentence he hated the most..."I'll be with him till death do us apart". He bade her to leave and walking back towards his cabin smiled heartily. Does such a statement ever exist in action? he was confident that it didn't.
There wasn't much work that day. Trying to relax in his seat he pondered as to why humans use such phrases and successfully convince fellow beings when they know they might be incapable of delivering goods when it matters the most. Is it because they are unaware of the ferocity of the situations they might come across in future or is it because of an instable mind which keeps on changing loyalties or is it simply because of a typical human tendency to "speak more and do less" ??? Whatever it be, the sufferer is always the person who believes... "people just like me", he felt. Even among friends phrases like "tere liye to jaan haazir hai" ...."jaan jigri dost" are very common.
But irrespective of whether these friends really stand up to the phrases used, we are rarely bothered. But when it comes from someone with whom we have plans of spending a lifetime, we never miss it as a casual something. We always believe the person. statements like these can be compared to an imaginary wall on which we try to lean. Time comes when we are so sure of the existance of this wall that that we let it support our full weight. And one fine day when we realize that its a wall built of bricks containing just words, even before the next thought has entered your mind, you are already on the ground with a broken spine.
Now does this mean that all humans are untrustworthy.....hmmm... difficult to answer because no one can affirm or negate this statement with complete confidence.

(to be continued....)

Alpha 2 Omega

Prologue

We were sitting on a bench in the park. Complete silence surrounded us. It was comparable to the pleasantness experienced at the twilight during dawn. I asked her why she fought with me. I wanted to know why was the element of mistrust was thrust between us. She was calm and composed. Her answer still continues to positively haunt me. The voice and words are still afresh. “Agar pyar nahi karti to jhagada kyun karti ?” was her innocent reply, rather an innocent question. I was speechless. It was the first time that any girl had expressed her love for me. It was a dream come true. I wanted to pinch myself to check if I was not dreaming. I held her close to me, I could feel her breath, and looking directly at her beautiful eyes I was completely lost in her. I drew my face closer to hers; our lips were eagerly waiting for that magical moment. I couldn’t stop myself and kissed her gently. I was feeling that even she was feeling relieved at that moment. With closed eyes we were lost in each other, it was difficult to separate our locked lips, and finally when we did, we realized that the fabled magical moment called the “First Kiss” was a history in our life. “I love you”, I whispered, her voice echoed mine with an additional “too”. It was and would remain the finest moment in my life.
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THEIR STORY..... keep visiting this page for the additions....
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Epilogue

We were sitting on a bench in the park. Complete silence surrounded us. . It was comparable to the uneasiness experienced at the twilight during dusk I asked her why she was leaving me. I wanted to know why was the element of misfortune was thrust between us. She was impatient and restless. Her answer still continues to negatively haunt me. The voice and words are still afresh. “Tum se pyar kia yeh meri sab se badi galati thi, Kyu aaye tum mere zindagi mei?” was her rude reply, rather a rude question. I was speechless. It was the first time that anyone had expressed their hatred for me. It was a nightmare turned reality. I wanted to kill myself to escape facing the scenario further. I held her close to me, I could feel her breath, and staring directly at her arrogant eyes I was completely lost in the past. I drew my face closer to hers. I couldn’t stop myself and slapped her angrily. I was feeling that even she was feeling relieved at that moment. With closed eyes we desperately tried to shrug off our past and each other, it was difficult to separate our wretched souls, and finally when we did, we realized that the fabled magical duration called the “First love” was a history in our life. “I hate you”, I shouted, her voice echoed mine with an additional “too”. It was and would remain the worst moment in my life.

Did I ever tell you....

When the times were scary
and the path so fiery...
when you clutched my hands
to cross the troubled lands..
Did I ever tell you ...How much I care for you..?

The frightening darkness,
which engulfed you in its vastness...
me desperately groping for your presence
for you were my life's very essence..
Did I ever tell you...How much I fear for you..?

Your soothing everlasting smiles
kept me going on and on for miles.
But that thought of a small tear..
and I'd simply freeze full of fear..
Did I ever tell you...How much I feel for you..?

All said and all done..
please realize it wasn't just for fun
I lead you out of your internal strife
in this beautiful journey called life..
Did I ever tell you...How much I love you..?

My Friends...My people : Part II

As promised....here I come up with my rendezvous with Axy Mukku,Paryaa...Nago..Anna..Ani..Maulik..Sreekaa, Vicky and last but not the least Coolbeer

Axy the Axer

(saalaa sab mushkilon ko kaat koot ke rakh degaa...)

If there was one person I truly believed, could match me in all respects was this guy....Axy.

Meet Er Akshay Ghonge...he is a khandaani engineer following the profession of his dad and grand dad...and so the prefix "Er". Tough...tougher toughest....these are the only words i feel will, would describe this Maverick. We both felt the heat and wrath of the great Nagpur University...and he with his unshakable commitment and sheer grit could overcome the hurdles a bit quicker than me. When I really needed someone to help me rationalize my thoughts, he used to be with me.

We all, JK, Axy. Mukku, Parya and me of course were the 'Famous Five' of our college. we fought, we argued, we wept, we smiled. Though distances have torn us apart, yet we still live together in each others mind and hearts.

Had really fun time with Axy and KK during our so calld project at Vizag Steel Plant and also the wonderful weekend biryanis with him and Gondu in Hyderabad during Axy's posting in Infy.

Bro you were always my synonym for hard work and determination... tere liye to jaan haazir hai dost !!!!

Of Dreams and Realizations…

“No”, he told himself…enough was enough. He knew she was not interested in him and the message was clearly delivered to him each time he had approached her.

He distinctly remembered the day, a couple of years ago, when he had first proposed her through a common friend and how bluntly he was delivered the answer. For her he was just a ‘friend’, nothing more. Days passed, and though she had given her verdict, she could not keep herself away from him albeit she ensured that the key word still remained ‘friend’. Her smiles warm behavior and jovial chats with him often confused him on whether she had a change of mind. She seemed to be getting closer to him now than before. This continued behavior from her side led him to approach her again…yet …the answer remained the same.

He recollected numerous arguments the had over the matter…some minor..Some major. He remembered those very lengthy durations of a day or two when they refused to see eye to an eye and almost each time it was she who blinked first…but he still was a friend for her. He honestly believed that he was not wrong in dreaming a life with her. He also sincerely found himself not unworthy of her. For him she was the ultimate person who could fit the image of a perfect life partner to the ‘T’. She was made for him he thought. Everything else was fine, his parents liked her..Her parents had a high regard for him. Even she thought of him as highly caring and quite nice. Everything pleasant except for her indifference over the matter, which mattered the most. Many times he thought of avoiding her and in fact had carefully implemented it, but a simple,” Why are you not talking to me?”, from her reverted his stance forcing him to do a ‘U’ turn.

But now, he thought it was time to settle the matter for once and for all. It was clear that she wasn’t interested so why should he care for her? After all not all dreams come true, not everything under the sky is possible or achievable no matter how sincerely or honestly aimed for. He tried hard to make up his mind never ever to think of her. He tried hard to counter the storm which was raging up in his mind when the mobile besides him gave a beep . It was a SMS from one of his pals and read..

“When you find a dream inside your heart don’t ever let it go….for dreams are tiny seeds from which beautiful tomorrows grow”
Indeed the storm in his mind blew over.

The time...with you.

The time I spend with you..

the moments which are but few

when I wait for you to speak

and feel like kissing your cheek

our cruise through the unexplored locations...

the walk together in the dreamy vacations..

when however close we are..

the distance still seems too far

the thought of being one with you

you know well is not so new..

you say its time to leave

and put me across a sieve

please stay back for some more time

I know I say this everytime...

I just cant get enough of you..

the moments though...still seem few.

...and I was waiting again.

And I was waiting again..
wasn't sure of a loss or a gain.
Never knew what was in store...
for life is oppurtunities galore.
Some were missed, some caught...
overall it was a battle well fought.
And then came the end of the day..
and I had but nothing to say.
Irrespective of my notion..
I was still in the same position
I hoped I wasn't insane..
when the next day I started to wait again.

My Girl Friends and the lessons I learnt....

Abstract:

The first one made me realize I wasn't immune to love..

The second one taught me that I had the capability to fall in love again....

The third made me realize the need of a stepney !!!!! ha ha ha

Details follow shortly....keep visiting this page.

Times...Past...Present

I sat back and saw my past..
Gosh !!........... it was so vast

There were times when I cried..
when actually I should have tried

Times when I had clenched my fist
when I had to clear my mind's mist

The obstacles I used to fear...
the path which I thought was not clear...

of destinations no way near
the thought accompanied by tear

The dilemma of wrong or right
was the only thing in my sight

leaving me totally confused
dreading to tread the unused

It was then you helped me to wade
when the darkness almost had its raid

I started sensing the light
so far which escaped my sight

you taught me to change
and enhance my range

Like a brave Knight
I withstood with all my might

and lo..here I am in my present..
raring to grow like a crescent

I realized I had overcome my past
and by your grace escaped being lost.

About Me...

Thieves like MONEY
Bees like HONEY...
I'm liked by everyone....
Coz I am PHANEE...

Be my side...

My position is tight
whenever u fight
I know you are always right
but that's something out of my sight...

When you aren't with me nothing seems right,
your presence besides me makes things light
letting my heart fly ..just like a kite.

Love to have a dinner with you every night
but experience says I'll lose appetite.

Leave me never even if u might
coz ...the thought make me shrill with fright.

I think of you...

It pains...whenever it rains...

The days were full of pain,
When I searched for you in vain..
Life was never the same,
with me minus your name...

You Slipped away like an eel..
Never thought how I would feel,
Shattering my heart ..
like a marksman's dart..
Striking exactly where it pains..
and this memory flashes whenever it rains.

Losing you was my biggest fear..
I still wish you were near.
But then there is a dawn of reality..
which is life and its fraility..
I feel the shot of thousand striking canes..
and this memory flashes whenever it rains.